Six struggles and coping strategies for the motherless and unmothered

Being without a mother is special kind of club. Only those that share the experience understand the profound ache for once what was or could have been.

Mothers are lost for a myriad of reasons – be it childbirth itself, accident, illness, poverty, circumstances of family, culture, or fate, and the like. Mothers, though physically present, can, also, go missing by way of grief, addiction, depression, subjugation, psychiatric issues, and life doing life. These moms, for whatever set of reasons, are unable to mother. I call their children “unmothered.”

Being without a mom wears heavily on a soul. There is none of the expected nurturing, support, and guidance. You feel untethered and adrift without the emotional umbilicus of mother. Your world is slightly off its axis. There is something missing and that missing is mom.

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Anatomy of betrayal

 A face reader once told me that I had kind eyes, a strong jaw, a good forehead, in fact, an excellent forehead, an emotional nose, and, more pointedly, that I absolutely could not handle betrayal.

Really, though, who can handle betrayal? Its very name conjures up deep hurt and heartache. Betrayal is the stuff of great literature, pulp fiction, films, theater, romance novels, country western ballads, and the top 40. Even Harry Potter deals with betrayal. It’s a universal theme. Betrayal is part and parcel of the human experience. Hasn’t every card-carrying adult experienced betrayal of one sort or another?

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The Forgiveness List

There are days I feel like I am treading as fast as I can and barely can keep my head above water.  Glub, glub, glub.

Technology is wonderful, and, equally, it can be exhausting for me.  My email in-boxes are full of great things I want to read and way too many good intentions on my part to respond with substance and depth to many meaningful emails.  As the saying goes,” I am dancing as fast as I can” and yet, I am still not getting the job done. This makes me feel yucky.  I hate this about myself.

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Happy New Year Energies

Resolved for the new year:

Play more.

Say more.

Give more.

Live more.*

And may it be so for all of us as we move into the 2013 energies that call for heart-centered connections, intuitive wisdom, authenticity, outrageous creativity, deeper compassion, radical kindness and loads more rest and fun. Miracles and surprises ( the usual swell and where-the-heck-did-that-come-from) await us. Let’s take a few deep breaths, move into a half smile, and say YES, I am ready for this new adventure that is primed with buckets of light.

Onward, we go!

*Borrowed from D. Clancy, Passages, a cardthartic experience.

Being a parent during dark times

Parents, by definition, have three primary roles. Their first duty is to cover the physical basics for their children. Food, a roof over their heads, shoes on their feet — the rudimentary physical necessities of shelter, sustenance, and clothing. And under this rubric, there would also be the notion of safety and protection — keeping their child safe and secure and protected from reasonable harm. (Clearly and alas, sudden violent attacks are not an anticipated or rationale event for which parents can protect their children 24/7.) 

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